Waiting for this to happen. It hasn’t yet. It really sucks to be me right now (well, more than normal) #writer #writerproblems #writersblock #limitless #NZT
“I say ‘strange comfort’ because dedicated writers have a certain taste for their aloneness; while bitter, it’s still something we couldn’t live without. This is why we often get called ‘prickly’, ‘oversensitive’, ‘eccentric’, and ‘impossible to live with.’ This is why every writer takes one look at Virginia Woolf’s title A Room of One’s Own and sighs in recognition.”
- Susie Bright, “How to Write a Dirty Story”
Arta Gallery in Toronto’s Distillery District, where I will be hosting my first ever book launch on Friday, February 1st, 8pm. Here’s my shameless plug: please visit http://www.Indiegogo.com/aneveningofsexandromance to see how you can be a part of this. #toronto #canada #distillery #writer #books #party #arta
Tumblr, I’ve decided, will be my repository of dark thoughts that I can’t discharge anywhere else.
1. I FUCKING HATE EDITING AND PROOFREADING! I am officially striking that from my repertoire. This is not a service I wish to provide, especially when I’ve got loads of other projects on the go. Still want me to do line edits of your work? Fine, then I charge you $250 per hour to do it. Your move, bud.
2. Why Do People Insist on Capitalizing Every Word and Then Ending With Too Many Exclamation Points Instead of Question Marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, when did this become a thing?
3. No massive block paragraphs for short web copy.
4. OMFG! FROM 1970 ONWARDS, DID NO ONE TEACH THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “THEIR”, “THERE”, AND “THEY’RE”? I’M SURE EVEN THE TALIBAN TAUGHT THE URDU EQUIVALENT IN AFGHANISTAN AND THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO BLOW UP SCHOOLS!
Fuck this shit. It’s my Friday and I’m going home.
Ill gush about the episode itself later. Right now, through really
pathetic and determined tears, I need to tell Aaron Sorkin that he
is the reason I want to be a writer. He never fails to amaze me. Every
time I think I have seen the best of the man I have idolized for half of
my life, he…
I need to get this kid’s enthusiasm back in my own writing practice and stop sweating the money part. This is what I’m supposed to do, and all that matters is that I send my work out there, and cross my fingers that someone is changed for the better by my words. Thank you, butthentherewillbenostory
Originally from This Is My Verse
Being a worker ant doesn’t seem as bad as it used to be.
I’ve blogged about how reconciling steady income versus my art has been the central struggle for most of my adult life, one that contributed to my divorce and nearly all the upheaval of the past five years.
The conventional minded people in my life used to say I was just picky, or lazy, or just never satisfied with anything I was doing. Maybe that was slightly true, but definitely not the whole picture….
- Had the first
small mental and creative breakdown this past week that I’ve had in months. I’m still climbing out of the last of it, but I think it’s behind me.
- I got inspired to pick up on my existing manuscript tonight on my drive home from the store. Working on it now, so this TT will be short.
- The reading I had last week really fucked me up, but not because I believe it. In fact, I now think that I was mistaken to have placed so much stock in it. I feel I was hoping for something more awesome in the reading itself, and in an odd way, I had the breakdown because I’m tired of anticipating the future. I just want to focus on now, and stop planning everything.
- I think I’m more suited to be a worker ant than I wanted to believe. It’s the politically-incorrect thing to say in personal development, but maybe what would really make me happy is working for someone else doing something I love. As long as it gives me room to explore my two big passions, what do I care?
That’s it. Back to it.
Just five - count’em, FIVE - entries this week:
1. I think I have a shawarma addiction. The trouble is, most of the shawarma places I’ve visited to slake this delicious lust have only made the problem worse, because they are all amazeballs. Like sipping vodka and beer on a hot day, it quenches your thirst for the moment, but then it comes back ten times worse. I may have to form a support group.
2. I had a reading done today. My last reading was six months ago. One of my friends at the book store has, as they say, the “sight”. Every time I talk about things like angel cards, the Law of Attraction, and the like, I always preface this by saying that my first preference is scientific, empirical proof before I support or believe something. In the case of this particular friend, I have seen the results of past readings and found them to be true, even if I don’t understand or can’t see the mechanism. Denying those results based on my inability to pin down the process by which my friend predicts them is a little like saying that the sun didn’t shine until we understood the principles of nuclear fusion. I know it works, even if I don’t know how. I digress….
Highlights from the reading:
- I am one year away from moving out of my parents’ house. This would make my total stay at about 2.5 years. Not too shabby, considering it was preceded by nearly ten years living away as an adult.
- The remainder of 2012 will involve almost nothing but work, but I will start turning real, sustainable profits doing what I love in early 2013 (enough, evidently, to allow me to move out).
- My “soulmate” is currently on the other side of life. My Twin Flame, on the other hand…. basically, I have until 2015 until we meet, though I’ll be dating other girls before then because, well, why not? Singledom suddenly seems a lot more awesome knowing it’s going to turn out okay in the end. We’ll marry and have two kids, a son and daughter (which admittedly, is a disturbing concept for me right now, since working for a retail store with a large toy section has brought me closer to a vasectomy than any other experience in my life).
- Most of my greatest successes will be in public eye, either through acting, speaking, or (surprisingly) in advertising. According to the reading, this will be the foundation for a political career as a city official in my fifties. (Which city? Hamilton, of course. Who knew, eh?)
- There is a group of angels/spirits that does indeed watch over me. Along with my paternal grandfather, who also watches over my Dad, guiding his decisions. I’ve never mentioned old Pappy to her before, but my friend described him to a T. Considering he died when I was eleven, that was unexpected.
There’s more, but that’s all I got to say about that.
3. Shoulder still hurts from when I pulled that muscle last week. Honestly, how long does it take muscles to atrophy? I haven’t had a full workout in over a week, and haven’t worked my biceps in two because of a separate wrist injury that I’m allowing to heal. The grown-up part of me gets it, the muscle isn’t going anywhere fast, but the Fat Kid in the back of my brain who first started lifting weights when he was 15 to fight the bulge is screaming like a Munsch painting.
4. Money anxiety is starting to disappear, but largely there. I just need to be careful.
5. I have a new plan for my book. Still coagulating the details.
So, lately, things are good in the long run. That commercial I shot will send me a bit of money in the next while, and as an ACTRA apprentice, I’ll have plenty more opportunities to have more lucrative roles in the next few months. I’m querying my novel like mad, and if no agent takes it, I have two back-up plans to get it done. Freelance, things are quiet, but I’m sure they’ll pick up, and realistically, it can only get better.
That’s the future. For right now, I need some cash.
Summer hours in retail tend to suck, and my hours at the store have been cut back. I take more where I can, but I also need to keep as much space free as possible to keep auditioning, training, writing, and exercising. Once fall kicks in, they’ll pick up again and won’t stop until Christmas, but there’s a whole six weeks between now and then.
In all the artsy careers, you’re supposed to forgo the whole idea of a “steady” paycheque in favour of a series of lump sums of cash that you get once in a while. In the meantime, you’re either hustling for new work or coasting on what you’ve already got. This week, I’m admittedly drifting, but I’m not spending a ton fo cash, either. Summertime always finds me torn between wanting to enjoy the time, the weather, the pretty girls wearing next to nothing walking down the street, patio beers and barbecues….and also wanting to not be broke.
That’s my goal for 2013: work my ass off doing what I love during the colder months and coast. I suppose with that mentality, I know money’s coming up in the future regardless. All I have to do is be careful with what I’ve got now, and enjoy the time, even if that means foregoing some of summertime’s more expensive options (no rooftop martinis for this writer/actor).
Money’s not inherently evil, and I do want it, but I’ve broken out of that years-long pattern of thinking money can only come to me through a 9 to 5 job. If the price of doing joy-filled work is that the work itself pays in occasional big lump sums rather than consistent smaller salaries, then so be it.
Le sigh. Off to query and to hunt for auditions.
It’s summertime. Obviously, that triggers feelings. Especially when you’re a single dude.
I’m putting myself out there as much as my budget and my schedule lets me, but even if I’m just running errands, going out to the gym, or otherwise in between places, I am surrounded by a CRAP TON of beautiful, attractive women who provide absolutely no opportunities for me to walk up and say “hey”. As much as I loathe the City of Brampton, I’m still blessed to live in the Greater Toronto Area, which seems to possess a lot of gorgeous women of all creeds, colours, and classes.
I know: some of you want my problems. That doesn’t change them from being “problems”.
In the past few months, I’ve gotten to a place of confidence and energy that I have been far more charismatic, flirty, and daring with women than I ever was, but at this very moment, and for the next little while, I am in deadline hell. I’m rebooting my first novel and am going to start querying it to agents for a month, see if “traditional” publishing will take me. And if they don’t, if the navy rejects me, then I’m taking up piracy, and self-publishing once again, albeit this time with a bigger network and far more vision for success than before.
On top of that, I have new manuscripts, auditions, bookstore hours, new clients, old clients, fitness, family, and friends all taking up my time. It’s a good life, by nearly any measure.
But I’m feeling that hunger somethin’ fierce.
There’s a few things that I want to say that I can’t say elsewhere, so I’m posting it here. At this point, I don’t feel the heavy, serious desire for a deep relationship for the rest of my life, not anymore. If it happens, that’ great, but I’m oddly resistant to it in favour of my current freedom. Nor am I looking to just get laid. I want something in between, something to satisfy the now, and to see where it goes. A real connection, even if it’s short term, or casual.
I mean, guys, it’s SUMMERTIME! As much as I love hanging with the brothers on patios and long weekends over beers and baseball games, or barbecuing for my family, it would be nice to have a girl or many girls I could call up on an idle night and say “Hey, wanna go for a drink?” and then do those fun, lighthearted, and sexy things with.
….. all right, I’m reading this and thinking “damn, what a whiner!”. Just man up and ask a girl out. Ah, believe me, that’s so happening….. as soon as I finish these fucking edits. I just needed to take ten minutes to vent.
Le sigh…..anyone else in the same boat?
myancientworld asks: I was wondering if you could offer some truthful advice. I have a couple of strong ideas for stories I would like to develop, and have written various passages so far. However, I don’t really stick to one genre, so basically I have an idea for one book along the lines of…
Originally from WriteWorld
Writing for the Market, instead of against it? It’s more than just novelists having this problem…